Her Majesty

The darkness will leave
as it always does
dear one

And light
will shine

The poetry of dance
that fills us
with fear and anxiety
confirms her power

We admire
her majesty

We find comfort
in her warmth

Then peacefully
she pushes away the darkness
Winking as if
she’s hiding

When in fact
she’s always there

Lighting the path
that guides
us home

Inspired by and in honor of HH’s Mother
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo by: My dear friend HH

It’s what you don’t say

There’s a shift in your mood
but no one notices

There’s pain in your heart
but no one notices

gasping for air
but no one notices

You wear
a beautiful smile
toss a joke
into the conversation
show love
and compassion

You need a life jacket
but no one notices

To them
you haven’t changed

You don’t
recognize yourself
and no one notices

It’s what you don’t say
that hurts the most

It’s what you don’t say
that needs to be said

What you don’t say
speaks louder
than words

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Tammy Gann



Yesterday my husband walked into my office with terror in his eyes.

“I think I have a fever. My body aches. I don’t feel good. I have to test for Covid. I cannot get you sick!”

He was terrified because he knew that if he got sick, I would get sick, and with my immune system and health issues, I could end up in the hospital or worse.

We immediately put masks on, took his temperature, and he had a fever.

All I could think about was this was my best friend, the greatest man I know, my heart, my soul, the air I breathe, the blood that runs through my veins, and if he had Covid, we would be separated, and I could lose him.

It broke me when he told me he would not be able to live with himself if he gave it to me.

What happened?

For two years, we had been so careful. Quarantining, wearing masks everywhere, socially distancing and disinfecting everything.

Where was the risk? We didn’t run into anybody. We never take our masks off. We’ve been overly cautious.

I blamed myself. I went to the grocery store with my mask on, and a lady sneezed in front of me. Did I give this to him?

His first test was negative!

But he kept getting worse. Congestion, aches and pains, fever.

How do I fix this? How can I be there for him?

I love this beautiful soul. A lifetime is not enough. I want more. I want forever. I want eternity. I want our minds, bodies, and souls to be connected always. I could spend forever bringing this man joy, love, comfort, and protection.

I wished it was me. I wanted it to be. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. It was breaking me.

I do not take for granted how connected we are, what a phenomenal marriage we have, and I believe our connection was written in the stars and created in heaven long before we were born.

But now we had masks on. I couldn’t hug or kiss him. He kept his distance. He sat at the other end of the couch and walked away if I got too close.

He took his meals to his office, and I sat outside the door wishing I could go in, wishing I could have a moment with him, wishing I could take it all away, wishing I could hug him.

We have been to hell and overcame things we never expected to survive, but we did it together.

I love him.
I love him with every breath I take.
I love him with every beat of my heart.
I love his smell.
I love how his little beard scratches my face when I kiss him.
I love how his arms wrap around my body when I hug him.
I love how safe he makes me feel.
I love how he loves me and protects me.

And now I sit outside his door, a door that separates us, a door that keeps us safe yet breaks us, knowing he’s in there alone, scared, thinking he will get me sick and staying away only because he loves me, yet again putting me first.

He slept in his office last night.

It was 80° at 10 o’clock, and my room was freezing because my heartbeat wasn’t there.

I missed the warmth of his body, the awful sound of his CPAP machine, and the feeling I got when I put my foot on his back, and he reached out, grabbing it to comfort me. He doesn’t remember doing it, yet he does it every time.

I stayed up, waiting for him to call my name.
I worried he’d get worse in the middle of the night.

This wasn’t paranoia. This is a man with severe sleep apnea, asthma, and high blood pressure. His job is high stress, and still, he makes family the priority, rarely getting time for himself.

Too many times, we’ve watched as he was taken by ambulance to hospital, and neither of us thought he would make it home.

And I’m supposed to go to sleep with my great love, the man I vowed to protect, down the hall, behind a door congested, sick, and in pain?

Too many families know the pain I felt. Too many families have been separated. Too many families have lost loved ones, and I was thinking of every single one of them instead of sleeping.

The next morning, the second test.

Fever gone. Oxygen levels up. Aches and pains gone. He felt better.

We waited in the hallway, texting him, counting the minutes, and trying to distract him while remembering to breathe.

And then 4..3..2..1 NEGATIVE!

I ran into the room, threw myself in his arms, and wailed.
For a minute, my heart stopped beating and connected with his.
I’ve never felt so loved in my life, and I’ve never loved so deeply.

He was going to be ok. We were going to be OK.

I looked into his eyes and couldn’t look away.
So many challenges. So many battles. So many blessings.
We fell in love. We created a family. We built a life, and in every crisis, we battled together!

As hard as life has tried, the bond that fused us together is unbreakable!

My great love, my heartbeat, my world, I choose you!
You are the light that leads me out of the darkness, my comfort in the storm, my confidant, my souls mate.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for showing me the way home.

Forever and always, our two hearts will beat as one.

We are unbreakable!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022

She is Woman!


Constant movement
Blurred lies

Rolling thunder
Threatening storm
A tornado touches down

Although defiant
corruption won’t win
darkness won’t last

The ocean cries
A call to action
The courage to soar

She rages
She roars

With the strength of 1000 angels
Lightning strikes
The waves rise up
The universe wails

It’s time
to protect
the children!

She is resilient
She is powerful
She is brave

Out of the darkness
a rainbow will come

She is
the warrior in the battle

She is
the calm in the storm

She is Woman!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Painting by Lisa Adams: https://synesthesiaartist.com/

United we stand, Divided we fall

When did we become
so fractured?

When did judgement
become a trend
and kindness a rarity?

We are here to
share the colors
of our lives

Strengthen our bonds

Understand and acknowledge love

And be the peace
and sanctuary
somebody needs

We are not here
to steal the joy
others seek

to rob them of
a life of peace
and happiness

to suffocate
or maim

to control
lord over them

We are not here
to leave a legacy of hate

How did we become this?

There is kindness in the masses
Strength in the majority

United we stand
Divided we fall

We are capable of more!
We are worth more!
We must be more!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: John Hain

Fuck You Covid!

Lately, my moods have been up and down like a roller coaster.

I’m mourning my life before the pandemic, and Covid is pissing me off.

I’ve always been outgoing yet introverted. I’ve been vocal, mouthy, quiet, and shy at times. I will talk your ear off and listen to your heart for hours, but the pandemic has changed me.

I feel more introverted now, less adventurous, and more cautious than I’ve ever been.

I live with a genetic heart condition, and Covid brings a high possibility of heart attack and death. My family is immunocompromised, and I would feel extremely responsible for passing it on to them. It’s a heavy weight to bear.

For two years, we were in quarantine. Then we moved cross country. I thought things were going to be different here. I was certain Covid would clear itself out, and life would improve.

I was wrong.

For some, it is better. They either don’t have health issues, don’t care about getting it, or are so fed up that they are moving on with their lives.

I don’t have the luxury of moving on. I can’t take risks. One bout of the flu years ago had me in bed for seven days, so sick I wanted to die. An infusion of medication a few years ago knocked me out for a week. My family was terrified for me. I thought I was going to die. It was horrific. I don’t remember 80% of that week.

I didn’t beat cancer to die from this!

I have to be extremely careful, and that’s fine. I’ve gotten used to being careful.

But when you have to cancel going out with friends because it’s too hot outside and wearing a mask makes it difficult in the heat. Or they live very vibrant lives with people around them, and you can’t take that risk of being infected.

You know you’ve got to put limitations on your life, but it messes with your head!

We’re indoors a lot. We’re very cautious when we go out, but being unable to walk outside without a mask or have conversations with our neighbors unless they’re 6 to 8 feet away is getting really old.

It’s changed everything, but I don’t feel any different than the rest of the world, and I want to live my life!

I didn’t ask for this!

This is a genetic problem that was handed down, and I am the first person in this genetic line that has ever had medication for this, so I am extremely blessed. I take two pills daily, and every other Friday give myself a shot in the stomach. I am grateful for this medication. It is literally saving my life!  Everybody else in this genetic line died young.

I’ve got to accept facts and manage my mental and physical health while still living with the restrictions that come with this.

But some days, my heart hurts so much. This has gone on way too long, and I’m struggling to find a solution.

Recently so many of my friends have texted telling me they got Covid.
They forgot their mask one time. They didn’t wear a mask. They’re vaccinated.
Covid gave them a heart attack. Covid had them in ICU. They have never been so sick. They have long Covid. They tell me to keep my mask on and stay safe.

I don’t want to live that way, and I know that this is my way of preventing all of that, but damn, this is my life too, and I want to live it!

Fuck you, Covid!

I like most things and most people, but you are a little shithead!

Photo Cred: Sarah Kilian

The Shadow

The Shadow 
     follows me
            but it’s not mine

I run 

   It grabs me
  sits on my chest

I can’t 

I’m so 
I will turn into you!

I’m not living
           my life!


    With this pen
I will 
   fulfill my destiny!

I will 
you said 
    I wouldn’t!

You’re not 
       holding me back


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo Cred: Michael Heuser

Just another mountain to climb

Just another mountain to climb


This isn’t how my story ends



Feet on the ground
Eyes up!

Three steps forward
              life pulls you back
Break away!

Focus forward
            keep walking!

The door is shut
you don’t live there anymore

I’ve got one
         life to live
and I will live it

A rebel with a
             very good reason!
A warrior 
        on a mission!

You’re just another 
                mountain to climb

Sorry bitches!
You may pull me back
but you will never
keep me down!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo Cred: https://pixabay.com/users/cocoparisienne-127419/

Put on a brave face

Put on a
brave face
it’s party time

But we know the truth

We know who’s valued
We know who’s not

A celebration

Yet so many
are deserted

How dare you say
we’re equal
when you strip
us naked
and leave us
to die

Your pen is a sword
Your vote is poison

Your hearts are cold
Your intentions are evil

Your daughters
will never forget

Neither will we!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo Cred: ruan-richard-rodrigues-v8fDCzXyG1o-unsplash