I Can Feel You Breathe

I can feel you breathe

Shivers up my spine
I gasp
then
sigh

It’s you

Your strength
when the wind
blows

Your power
when the rain
falls

Your roots
dig deep
into my soul

Grounding me
Comforting me
Empowering me

Energy rushing
through my veins

I’m beginning
to feel
alive
again

Life-giver
Oxygen supplier

Natures
shelter
protection
heart
and soul

Inhale
exhale
and again

I can feel you breathe


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Stefan Keller Pics

Seeking Me!

Wounded
Seeking peace
Seeking harmony
Seeking self

Lost
Wandering the caverns
of my heart
Seeking light
Seeking comfort

Seeking
Seeking
Seeking

A journey to my soul
Seeking courage
Seeking Hope
Seeking freedom

From all that weighs me down
From all the doubt
From all the fear
From all the uncertainty

Seeking honesty
Seeking truth
Seeking Me!

Amberley Charlotte @2022
Photo: Daniele Franchi

A Conversation with an Angel

We meet again
I’ve missed you

I’m sorry
I shut you out

You were there
when no one else was

I slammed the door
but you never left

You were always
watching over me

I was a child
I was scared

I grew up
closed my mind
and put my heart
under lock and key

I tried to protect myself
from the world around me
and locked you out

I never stopped loving you
I carried you
in my heart
every day

When I lost you
I became
a fragmented shell
of a person
drowning
in a sea of emptiness
wondering
if I’d ever find
my way back
to dry land

I tried to fill the holes
but the boat
kept taking on water
and pushing me  
farther and farther
out to sea

But you know this
you watched it happen

It had to happen

It’s the only way
I’d realize
I needed to
save myself

I was scared
of drowning

I was even more scared
of not living

The body will float
even if the soul dies

I was dead inside

My focus needed to shift
I needed to start
swimming

Only then would
I see the shore

Only then would
I place my feet
on solid ground

Only then could I
start the journey
home

Change is hard
Treading water is harder

It’s funny

We go through life
doing just enough
to survive

Then we realize
our soul is thirsty
starving in fact
and we want
more

But we’re too afraid
to feed it
to give it  
everything it needs
because that requires us
to change
and change is terrifying

We decide
inadvertently
to live a life
of regret

I remember what it felt like
knowing I might
die with regrets
and it was the
worst
feeling
ever

Thank you
for not giving up on me

Thank you
for waiting for me

I know this is
going to take time

But I will feed my soul
I will live my life’s purpose
I will learn life’s lessons
and when I leave this earth
I will leave without regrets
because the work
even though
it’s painful
is worth it

Thank you for loving me

Now it’s time
I do the same



Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Amberley Charlotte

TRUST

Trust

Seeing into your heart
Seeing into your soul

A wink from the universe

Warmth
Sun

A painted silhouette

Actions not words

A touch
that sends tingles
not fear

A sunset
The earth’s movement

Honesty

I can see it in your eyes
Don’t be afraid
it is you who
painted that picture

I’m just seeing
what you’re afraid
to show me

Connecting
Soul to soul
Heart to heart
Tear to tear

Can I trust you?
Can I trust myself?

Loving without embarrassment
Loving without fear
Loving without condemnation
Loving without question

Then loving enough
to let go

In weathering the storms
we trust

In seeking answers
we trust

In questioning life
we trust

We trust our hearts
We trust our abilities
We trust the universe
We trust ourselves

We trust our souls connection
The light
within us all

We trust
We love

We shine


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Bessi

This is love This is you

Pay by page
Word after word
Peeling back the layers
of who you thought
you were

Looking in the mirror
The years have been tough
Extra pounds
Age spots

Stories behind
your eyes
speak volumes
and secrets kept
hidden to protect
your mental health

And yet
in that moment
you choose
to love yourself
through it

Memory fades
Energy has slowed

This is you
The newer version

Streaks of grey hair
become natures highlights

Wrinkles are proof
of a life
courageously lived

And while looking in the mirror
you go from seeing
someone you don’t know
to someone you’d like to know
to someone you quite like
to someone you love

Because
you chose
to love yourself
through it

Suddenly you view
the signs of aging as
Growth
Resilience
Courage and
Strength

Who you were
doesn’t matter as much
as who you’ve become
and where you’re going

And when you get there
as weird as it feels
there is comfort
peace
and love
you never thought
you could experience

But you did it

You survived
the self-doubt
feelings of
not being good enough
pretty enough
or skinny enough

You survived the
brutal abuse
spoken from
your own tongue
the self-degradation
and painful thoughts
of comparison
because you were
and could never
be
enough

Now this is
a different time
Life feels different
You are different

Loneliness has
become solitude

Quite time has
become necessary

Self-care
finally has meaning

And you wonder
what is this?

Have I finally accepted myself?
Do I genuinely love myself
for who I am
who I was
and where I’m going?

This is love
This is acceptance
This is you

This is who you
have been waiting for!


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: https://pixabay.com/users/pixel2013-2364555/

I See You

Crystal vases
            Shadows
                 Walls
                     Doors

Sunlight
       shining through
                     the window

I see you 
        hiding
behind the door

Nature
     Animals
           Secret friends

Committed
        Lifelong

No questions
Just love

Best friends
           Soul mates

I see you
        wanting 
              to give love
wanting 
      to be loved

It’s time to forgive
It wasn’t 
your fault

She loves you
            You'll be
                    together again

I see you
        crying
             mourning
                    carrying the pain

It’s time to forgive
                   yourself
She has

Imagination running wild
                       or 
                        gifted

Spoiled brat
           or
            a child 
                  seeking the truth

I see you
wanting 
      to be understood

Life 
   offers a small glimpse 
                        into 
the capabilities 
               of our souls

Curious or brat?

I see you
        trying to be 
                   who you were 
                              created to be

Grateful
Blessed
Honored

       Peaceful
             Energetic
                     Happy

I see you
        letting go
opening 
      your heart
               setting yourself free

I see you
wanting to be seen 
   for all of you
             not just the parts 
that are easy to understand

And yet finally 
              content 
if that never happens

I see you
It's ok 
      If no one else can


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: William Duggan




Forgiveness who needs it?

Forgiveness has been
heavy on my heart lately

It’s in my thoughts
my dreams
and every breath
I take

I feel like I’m digging a ditch
but I’m not sure
if I should throw myself in
or bury my
anger
regret
and rage
then cover it up
so I can’t go back
to retrieve it

I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions

Will I ever find peace
if I can’t let go
of the past?

What does this do to my body?

How long can my heart
withstand the pain?

Is it true that if
we can’t forgive another person
we can’t forgive ourselves?

Am I trying to rectify the situation?
Am I trying to understand it?
Is it teaching me anything?

Who am I hurting by holding onto all of this?

Unless I’m sending out
personalized lightning bolts
and actually hitting my target
I’m the only one suffering
as those who have hurt me
have moved on

Am I not just reliving
every moment
every trauma
and every fear
every day of my life?

Because I’m constantly
playing the same movie
in my head
over
and over again
thinking about
what that person did
and who I am
because of it

I’ll tell you who I am
I am resourceful
I am courageous
I am fierce
I am determined
I am strong

I have learned
the lesson
and the gift
of empathy
and I have
survived

That is what those horrible experiences did to me

They made me who I am
They gave me a reason to fight

But I am holding onto
one more wound
one more nightmare
and playing a movie
with subtitles
that will
never end

As my body tightens
Anxiety
Panic
Illness
and depression
become part of my being
and I live a half-life

Precious moments
stolen

Precious memories
missed

Do they deserve forgiveness?

I do!

I deserve forgiveness
I deserve to let it go
I deserve happiness
joy and to heal my body

I deserve to silence the voices
and cancel the nightmare sitcoms
that play in my head

I deserve
to write my own ending
to this movie

If the goal is to ultimately love ourselves
then why am I punishing myself?

I have the power
I have control

This is my life
When am I going
to let that shit go?

Their time is over
My time is now

Yet I am literally
hosting them
as guests
in my home
feeding them
giving them the right
to live within my head
as I slowly
rot away
because for whatever reason
I can’t evict them

I am exhausted

I’ve suffered enough
I don’t have the energy
to focus on any of this anymore

This is helping me
in no way at all

It is holding me back
from being happy
whole and peaceful

Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves
and by holding back forgiveness
we are withholding love
and a chance
at a full life

I am not going to live my life like this anymore

I might not have valued myself in the past
but I do now

I deserve more than to live
in this self-imposed hell

I am ready to forgive others

But first
I will start by
forgiving myself



Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Daniele Franchi

Have you ever?

Have you ever told yourself
I love you?

Have you ever hugged yourself?

Have you ever looked at a photo
of yourself
as a child
and wondered
where the innocence went?

When you look at that child
did they get everything
they wanted in life?
If not
why?

When did you start believing
that dreams are for children
and grown-ups
don’t get to
have fun anymore?

When did work
become more important
than play?

Have you ever
looked at yourself
in the mirror
and didn’t recognize
who was looking back?

When did you start putting yourself last?

If we don’t know self-love
How can we know true love?

When did you stop
following your heart
and your truth
and start following
someone else’s plan?

When we are true to ourselves
we feel it at the core of our soul

When we are true to ourselves
we are set free

When we are true to ourselves
everyone can see it
because we’re happy
content
at peace

Are you at peace?

Do you love yourself?
I mean
scream it from
the beach top restaurant
kind of love?

Can you honestly say
that you would do everything
and anything for yourself
like you would for
your children
your partner
your family?

At what point
do we finally
believe
we are enough?

At what point
do we finally
forgive ourselves?

At what point
do we take stock
of the box
we have placed
ourselves in
and make a plan
to break out?

At what point do we recognize
that we are meant for more
and it all starts
with us?

When are we going to love ourselves
so unconditionally
that our hearts are full?

When I think of my family
my heart swells

Does your heart swell
when you think about yourself
because mine does not

I push myself aside

Not only does my heart not swell
but I am content pushing myself aside

I’ve gotten so used to it
that it’s taken me this long
to recognize
I’m doing it
and that sucks
because if we’re not willing to take care
of our body, mind, and soul
then who’s going to?

Right now
Right here
This is when I reevaluate everything
and recognize
that I am worth more than
what I’ve been giving myself
and now is the time to change

No matter what we go through
No matter how hard it is
No matter the pain
Our loved ones
can love us
pray for us
support us
and comfort us
but they cannot
do it for us

They cannot take
the pain away
They cannot take
the struggle away
They can only love
us through it

We have an opportunity
to love ourselves
as much
as we love
those around us

And by doing that
we will be astounded
at how free
and peaceful
life will be
because we are living
our truth
and finally
coming home
to ourselves

I am always seeking
and looking for answers
from within
because at the end of the day
all I truly have is me

I’ve got to live with myself
and I really want
to fully fucking love myself
so much!

So wish me luck on this journey
I’m excited
terrified
and extremely hopeful!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Chela B




The Story of My Life

I’m at the library
I see a book

It’s my book
The story of my life

I take it off the shelf
It’s bound in Purple leather
with a heart in the middle
and a brass lock

Its title: “Amberley Charlotte”

I open to the prologue
it frightens me

I turn to the chapters page
Ages 0 – 3
4 – 7
8 – 12
13 – 19
20 – 30
30 – present

My heart sinks

This is my story
written down
for me to read?

I don’t want to relive those years!
They feel so dark
and hopeless

I turn the pages
I read the transitions
transformations
and trials
that all lead to the
beautiful people in my life
now

The next page is empty
and the next page
and the next one

Why?

This is my story
the future pages are empty
I get to write
what comes next

Do I change the story
or continue
on the same page?

Change must come

I want to be proud
to read
the book of my life

I want to see more
strength and determination

I want to love myself!
I want to matter to me!

I want this to be a book
of light
love
hope
dreams
and
peace in the moments

This is my life
This is my story
This is my responsibility
My honor
and my gift

What comes next is up to me

What’s written in your book?
The future pages are empty

This is your life
This is your story
This is your responsibility
and your gift

What comes next is up to you


Amberley Charlotte © 2022
Photo: Jill Wellington

Awakening

A storm is brewing

Waves crash
Thunder roars
Lightning strikes

You can’t hold it back
It was bound to happen
It’s about time

Awakening

Embers burn
Hearts on fire
Sparks light the sky

You can’t hold it back
It was bound to happen
It’s about time

Soulmates
Passion
Love
Forever meant to be

You can’t hold it back
It was bound to happen
It’s about time


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Hjalte Gregersen