I can’t leave you
My heart
My soul
My world
You hurt
I hurt
My chest
burns
My heart
skips
Holding my breath
waiting
for the other shoe
to fall
I have no answers
as to why
I feel helpless
watching you
suffer
At any
moment
life could
change
I can’t stop it
I can’t control it
I can’t fix it
My heart
My soul
Every piece of me
hurts
for every piece of you
that’s hurting
My world
My great love
My heart
©Amberley Charlotte 11.23.22
Photo Cred: Ashley Levinson
Have you ever told yourself
I love you?
Have you ever hugged yourself?
Have you ever looked at a photo
of yourself
as a child
and wondered
where the innocence went?
When you look at that child
did they get everything
they wanted in life?
If not
why?
When did you start believing
that dreams are for children
and grown-ups
don’t get to
have fun anymore?
When did work
become more important
than play?
Have you ever
looked at yourself
in the mirror
and didn’t recognize
who was looking back?
When did you start putting yourself last?
If we don’t know self-love
How can we know true love?
When did you stop
following your heart
and your truth
and start following
someone else’s plan?
When we are true to ourselves
we feel it at the core of our soul
When we are true to ourselves
we are set free
When we are true to ourselves
everyone can see it
because we’re happy
content
at peace
Are you at peace?
Do you love yourself?
I mean
scream it from
the beach top restaurant
kind of love?
Can you honestly say
that you would do everything
and anything for yourself
like you would for
your children
your partner
your family?
At what point
do we finally
believe
we are enough?
At what point
do we finally
forgive ourselves?
At what point
do we take stock
of the box
we have placed
ourselves in
and make a plan
to break out?
At what point do we recognize
that we are meant for more
and it all starts
with us?
When are we going to love ourselves
so unconditionally
that our hearts are full?
When I think of my family
my heart swells
Does your heart swell
when you think about yourself
because mine does not
I push myself aside
Not only does my heart not swell
but I am content pushing myself aside
I’ve gotten so used to it
that it’s taken me this long
to recognize
I’m doing it
and that sucks
because if we’re not willing to take care
of our body, mind, and soul
then who’s going to?
Right now
Right here
This is when I reevaluate everything
and recognize
that I am worth more than
what I’ve been giving myself
and now is the time to change
No matter what we go through
No matter how hard it is
No matter the pain
Our loved ones
can love us
pray for us
support us
and comfort us
but they cannot
do it for us
They cannot take
the pain away
They cannot take
the struggle away
They can only love
us through it
We have an opportunity
to love ourselves
as much
as we love
those around us
And by doing that
we will be astounded
at how free
and peaceful
life will be
because we are living
our truth
and finally
coming home
to ourselves
I am always seeking
and looking for answers
from within
because at the end of the day
all I truly have is me
I’ve got to live with myself
and I really want
to fully fucking love myself
so much!
So wish me luck on this journey
I’m excited
terrified
and extremely hopeful!
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Chela B
I didn’t plan on writing this today. I’ve been studying so hard for my chocolate tasting exam and that requires me to be analytical and focused.
I like to live like someone left the gate open. I like to put pen to paper and scribble words to see what comes up. I like to finger paint with honey, jam, and peanut butter, all over the kitchen table.
I believe when we allow ourselves freedom we find magic in our minds. I find colors and shapes and stories. I believe when we give ourselves permission we can heal from the baggage, the pain, and whatever holds us back. I believe that self-care and play therapy is extremely important and sometimes even more important than taking tests and being a grown-up.
Without balance we have stress, inflammation, agitation, and there is no peace, no rest, and no joy.
I haven’t given myself a lot of time to write lately because the certification is so important to me and honestly I really want to pass this test.
But I am an artist first and when I put myself on time out, or I build a box around my heart, I force myself to live within certain parameters, and that suffocates me.
I had zero intentions of starting the chocolate heart story series. It was never part of my thought process for this blog. But I also wasn’t prepared to share about Synesthesia. I kept it hidden. I was ashamed and from experiences in life it was appropriate to keep it hidden and not share my beautiful wildly vivid visions with the world.
But no more hiding. We cannot be authentic and have authentic relationships when we are hiding. If we are not truthful with ourselves we struggle to be honest with others.
Through this Chocolate journey I have embraced my quirky. I have learned to love every bit of crazy that I bring to the world. I have learned to explore more of who I am instead of trying to be somebody I am not.
So if you’re still reading and I haven’t lost you yet, I will tell you I have no idea what comes next. Bloggers are supposed to have a plan and a format, I have none.
But I know this, I am on a journey of self exploration and self acceptance. I am a little bit crazy, a whole lot of quirky, a freaking basket of compassion, love, and empathy, with a splash of rebellion.
I want to help people heal. I want to help them find joy. I want them to release the chains and live life fully not fearfully, and I believe that Chocolate can be the leader on this journey of self discovery. Maybe we can do this together.
Please enjoy the poem below. This poem came out of tasting beautiful chocolate made by MillCreek Cacao Roasters This BlackBerry 70% dark chocolate bar is made with 3 simple, ingredients: Certified Heirloom cacao, pure cane sugar, and cocoa butter.
The blackberry, caramel and dark sugar notes are amazing! This Chocolate will bring a cool smooth sensation to your mouth. If you close your eyes and let the chocolate talk to you, you just might be surprised what it will say.
To be transparent, I never called myself an artist before. I guess I didn’t realize I had that gift until it became clear to me in the poem you’re about to read. All of it inspired by tasting this bar. This is what happens to me when I smell and taste chocolate.
I know, life is rough right?
I am acutely aware of how blessed I am.
Thank you for hanging out with me today, enjoy the poem.
Kaleidoscope
Our Lives
A kaleidoscope of missed opportunities
Chances we’ve been given
Doors we’ve closed
Longing to be loved, seen, and understood for who we are, not what the world requires us to be
No more masks
No hiding
No limitations
The chains are broken
There’s no room for self-doubt
The winding road welcomes us
The sweet smell of blackberry reminds us to breathe
We are artists
Passionate, eccentric, driven
We need to create
We need to inspire
When we’re lost
The world feels unsafe
Then inspiration draws us in
Creativity soothes us
Passion drives us
And when our hearts are full
We find our way home
Blessings,
AmberleyCharlotte ©2022
Inspired by Millcreek Cacao Roasters: Farm to bar
Certified Heirloom Cacao: Blackberry 70% Dark Chocolate
Arriba Nacional Hacienda Limon Farm: Ecuador
Amberley Charlotte Writes 