Women – Amberley Charlotte Writes

No one should cry alone

Published on April 26, 2023 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

From my first breath
I knew

It was my job
to take care
of you

Hearing you cry
wiping your tears

With every meltdown
every crisis
every emergency

I was there
to take care
of you

The guilt I felt
for your loss
and your pain

It wasn’t my fault
I wasn’t to blame

But every moment
every fear

I was there
to take care
of you

Soon I accepted
my place in this world
my value
my reality
my worth

And in my life
with every meltdown
every crisis
every emergency

I’ve been there
to take care
of everyone else

Because no one
should cry alone

Soon I had my own kids
my own family
my own life

And it became
an honor
a blessing
my job

To wipe their tears
comfort their fears
and take care
of them

Why am I still feeling guilty?

It wasn’t my fault
I wasn’t to blame

And yet my life
is the same

Without a crisis
a moment
a fear
an emergency
a meltdown
a tear

I ask
Who am I?

I was a child
you were
my parents

I was a child
I was your therapist
You were my clients

I was a teenager
You were my children

I was a child
with no time
to be a child

With no one to
show me the way
to guide me
to teach me
to hold me

And now
with every crisis
every fear
every emergency
every tear

I am there
to take care
of everyone

Because no one
should cry alone

As I sit here
crying alone

Amberley Charlotte ©4.26.23
Photo Cred: https://unsplash.com/@spce

She waits

Published on January 3, 2023January 3, 2023 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

She waits

Staring at
what could be

She waits for
a sound
a smell
a feeling

She’s hopeful

She’s never
discouraged

She knows
one day
what she’s seeking
will come

So
she waits….

Amberley Charlotte ©2023
Photo Cred: Willgard Krause

20 Years Cancer Free

Published on September 26, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Twenty years ago today, I had my last chemotherapy session for a highly aggressive form of Triple Negative Breast Cancer, and they told me I was cancer free!

Because it was so aggressive and rare, there was no standard treatment plan. They said that had I waited to go to the Dr., I would have been dead in 6 months.

We decided on an aggressive surgical plan, and my oncologist gave me the chemo cocktail he hoped would help, and we waited.

I lived with the threat that it could come back at any time in the brain, liver, bones, or lungs.

There were always markers I needed to hit.
First, it was five years, then it was ten, and at ten years, they moved it again, saying this cancer is still rare, people are still dying, they still have no idea how I got it, and although they’re learning about it, now I needed to get to 20 years to really be free.

Along the way, there have been more tumors and multiple surgeries, all with a cancer scare, all coming back clear.

Anytime I tell a doctor I’ve beat this type of cancer, they look at me like I’m a ghost. When they gave me Covid vaccines, the nurses cried. They couldn’t believe I was still alive.

My blessed life is not lost on me. I am forever grateful for every struggle, every pain, and every gift of another day.

I still can’t believe I have this beautiful family. I’ve had so many wild and crazy experiences, extreme lows, and unbelievable highs, but here I am!

I made it to 20 freaking years, baby!!

So today, this is my gift to you.

Share your joy every day!

Focus on the light in your life, not the darkness.
There will be struggles, but right behind them are blessings.
Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

If you’re scared, cry it out.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out.
If you’re lost, write it out.
If panic sets in, wait it out. It will pass.
You will feel like shit in the process, but I guarantee you it will pass, and then reach out.

Find somebody to talk to.
Find somebody who will listen.
Find somebody you trust.
You don’t have to do this life alone.

We have no idea how long we’re here, but we can be a light in someone’s darkness, create a beautiful life for ourselves, stretch ourselves beyond our wildest capabilities, become who we never thought we could be, and experience life in ways we never thought possible.

At the end of the day, life is what we make it.
Our experiences make us who we are.
Our courage and strength help us survive it.

Life is hard.
But we are stronger.

Thank you, Divine Spirit, for giving me this time with my family.
I am asking for at least 35 more!

I promise I will make good use of the time and the lessons!

Blessings,

Amberley Charlotte

TRUST

Published on August 30, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Trust

Seeing into your heart
Seeing into your soul

A wink from the universe

Warmth
Sun

A painted silhouette

Actions not words

A touch
that sends tingles
not fear

A sunset
The earth’s movement

Honesty

I can see it in your eyes
Don’t be afraid
it is you who
painted that picture

I’m just seeing
what you’re afraid
to show me

Connecting
Soul to soul
Heart to heart
Tear to tear

Can I trust you?
Can I trust myself?

Loving without embarrassment
Loving without fear
Loving without condemnation
Loving without question

Then loving enough
to let go

In weathering the storms
we trust

In seeking answers
we trust

In questioning life
we trust

We trust our hearts
We trust our abilities
We trust the universe
We trust ourselves

We trust our souls connection
The light
within us all

We trust
We love

We shine

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Bessi

What pulls you in

Published on August 29, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

A post from my other blog: The Chocolate Poet: https://thechocolatepoet.com/

This poem inspired by Mast Chocolate: Oat Milk 50% Cocoa

Aroma and tasting notes: Sweet, Dark Sugar, Cocoa, Rustic, Cream, Raspberries, Raisins, Oats, Creamy

What pulls you in

Walking down a country Lane
soul-searching

My path not
yet understood

Where am I going?

Then she whispers
Wait, enjoy the walk

But be content
Be ready
Take it all in
There is a time for everything

Stop waiting for success
joy
love

What pulls you in
is who you are
not
where you’re going

Be content
There will be
a destination

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
https://www.mastmarket.com/

This is love This is you

Published on August 29, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Pay by page
Word after word
Peeling back the layers
of who you thought
you were

Looking in the mirror
The years have been tough
Extra pounds
Age spots

Stories behind
your eyes
speak volumes
and secrets kept
hidden to protect
your mental health

And yet
in that moment
you choose
to love yourself
through it

Memory fades
Energy has slowed

This is you
The newer version

Streaks of grey hair
become natures highlights

Wrinkles are proof
of a life
courageously lived

And while looking in the mirror
you go from seeing
someone you don’t know
to someone you’d like to know
to someone you quite like
to someone you love

Because
you chose
to love yourself
through it

Suddenly you view
the signs of aging as
Growth
Resilience
Courage and
Strength

Who you were
doesn’t matter as much
as who you’ve become
and where you’re going

And when you get there
as weird as it feels
there is comfort
peace
and love
you never thought
you could experience

But you did it

You survived
the self-doubt
feelings of
not being good enough
pretty enough
or skinny enough

You survived the
brutal abuse
spoken from
your own tongue
the self-degradation
and painful thoughts
of comparison
because you were
and could never
be
enough

Now this is
a different time
Life feels different
You are different

Loneliness has
become solitude

Quite time has
become necessary

Self-care
finally has meaning

And you wonder
what is this?

Have I finally accepted myself?
Do I genuinely love myself
for who I am
who I was
and where I’m going?

This is love
This is acceptance
This is you

This is who you
have been waiting for!

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: https://pixabay.com/users/pixel2013-2364555/

I See You

Published on August 25, 2022August 29, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Crystal vases
            Shadows
                 Walls
                     Doors

Sunlight
       shining through
                     the window

I see you 
        hiding
behind the door

Nature
     Animals
           Secret friends

Committed
        Lifelong

No questions
Just love

Best friends
           Soul mates

I see you
        wanting 
              to give love
wanting 
      to be loved

It’s time to forgive
It wasn’t 
your fault

She loves you
            You'll be
                    together again

I see you
        crying
             mourning
                    carrying the pain

It’s time to forgive
                   yourself
She has

Imagination running wild
                       or 
                        gifted

Spoiled brat
           or
            a child 
                  seeking the truth

I see you
wanting 
      to be understood

Life 
   offers a small glimpse 
                        into 
the capabilities 
               of our souls

Curious or brat?

I see you
        trying to be 
                   who you were 
                              created to be

Grateful
Blessed
Honored

       Peaceful
             Energetic
                     Happy

I see you
        letting go
opening 
      your heart
               setting yourself free

I see you
wanting to be seen 
   for all of you
             not just the parts 
that are easy to understand

And yet finally 
              content 
if that never happens

I see you
It's ok 
      If no one else can


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: William Duggan

Forgiveness who needs it?

Published on August 19, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Forgiveness has been
heavy on my heart lately

It’s in my thoughts
my dreams
and every breath
I take

I feel like I’m digging a ditch
but I’m not sure
if I should throw myself in
or bury my
anger
regret
and rage
then cover it up
so I can’t go back
to retrieve it

I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions

Will I ever find peace
if I can’t let go
of the past?

What does this do to my body?

How long can my heart
withstand the pain?

Is it true that if
we can’t forgive another person
we can’t forgive ourselves?

Am I trying to rectify the situation?
Am I trying to understand it?
Is it teaching me anything?

Who am I hurting by holding onto all of this?

Unless I’m sending out
personalized lightning bolts
and actually hitting my target
I’m the only one suffering
as those who have hurt me
have moved on

Am I not just reliving
every moment
every trauma
and every fear
every day of my life?

Because I’m constantly
playing the same movie
in my head
over
and over again
thinking about
what that person did
and who I am
because of it

I’ll tell you who I am
I am resourceful
I am courageous
I am fierce
I am determined
I am strong

I have learned
the lesson
and the gift
of empathy
and I have
survived

That is what those horrible experiences did to me

They made me who I am
They gave me a reason to fight

But I am holding onto
one more wound
one more nightmare
and playing a movie
with subtitles
that will
never end

As my body tightens
Anxiety
Panic
Illness
and depression
become part of my being
and I live a half-life

Precious moments
stolen

Precious memories
missed

Do they deserve forgiveness?

I do!

I deserve forgiveness
I deserve to let it go
I deserve happiness
joy and to heal my body

I deserve to silence the voices
and cancel the nightmare sitcoms
that play in my head

I deserve
to write my own ending
to this movie

If the goal is to ultimately love ourselves
then why am I punishing myself?

I have the power
I have control

This is my life
When am I going
to let that shit go?

Their time is over
My time is now

Yet I am literally
hosting them
as guests
in my home
feeding them
giving them the right
to live within my head
as I slowly
rot away
because for whatever reason
I can’t evict them

I am exhausted

I’ve suffered enough
I don’t have the energy
to focus on any of this anymore

This is helping me
in no way at all

It is holding me back
from being happy
whole and peaceful

Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves
and by holding back forgiveness
we are withholding love
and a chance
at a full life

I am not going to live my life like this anymore

I might not have valued myself in the past
but I do now

I deserve more than to live
in this self-imposed hell

I am ready to forgive others

Have you ever?

Published on August 14, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

Have you ever told yourself
I love you?

Have you ever hugged yourself?

Have you ever looked at a photo
of yourself
as a child
and wondered
where the innocence went?

When you look at that child
did they get everything
they wanted in life?
If not
why?

When did you start believing
that dreams are for children
and grown-ups
don’t get to
have fun anymore?

When did work
become more important
than play?

Have you ever
looked at yourself
in the mirror
and didn’t recognize
who was looking back?

When did you start putting yourself last?

If we don’t know self-love
How can we know true love?

When did you stop
following your heart
and your truth
and start following
someone else’s plan?

When we are true to ourselves
we feel it at the core of our soul

When we are true to ourselves
we are set free

When we are true to ourselves
everyone can see it
because we’re happy
content
at peace

Are you at peace?

Do you love yourself?
I mean
scream it from
the beach top restaurant
kind of love?

Can you honestly say
that you would do everything
and anything for yourself
like you would for
your children
your partner
your family?

At what point
do we finally
believe
we are enough?

At what point
do we finally
forgive ourselves?

At what point
do we take stock
of the box
we have placed
ourselves in
and make a plan
to break out?

At what point do we recognize
that we are meant for more
and it all starts
with us?

When are we going to love ourselves
so unconditionally
that our hearts are full?

When I think of my family
my heart swells

Does your heart swell
when you think about yourself
because mine does not

I push myself aside

Not only does my heart not swell
but I am content pushing myself aside

I’ve gotten so used to it
that it’s taken me this long
to recognize
I’m doing it
and that sucks
because if we’re not willing to take care
of our body, mind, and soul
then who’s going to?

Right now
Right here
This is when I reevaluate everything
and recognize
that I am worth more than
what I’ve been giving myself
and now is the time to change

No matter what we go through
No matter how hard it is
No matter the pain
Our loved ones
can love us
pray for us
support us
and comfort us
but they cannot
do it for us

They cannot take
the pain away
They cannot take
the struggle away
They can only love
us through it

We have an opportunity
to love ourselves
as much
as we love
those around us

And by doing that
we will be astounded
at how free
and peaceful
life will be
because we are living
our truth
and finally
coming home
to ourselves

I am always seeking
and looking for answers
from within
because at the end of the day
all I truly have is me

I’ve got to live with myself
and I really want
to fully fucking love myself
so much!

So wish me luck on this journey
I’m excited
terrified
and extremely hopeful!

The Story of My Life

Published on August 13, 2022 by Amberley Charlotte WritesLeave a comment

I’m at the library
I see a book

It’s my book
The story of my life

I take it off the shelf
It’s bound in Purple leather
with a heart in the middle
and a brass lock

Its title: “Amberley Charlotte”

I open to the prologue
it frightens me

I turn to the chapters page
Ages 0 – 3
4 – 7
8 – 12
13 – 19
20 – 30
30 – present

My heart sinks

This is my story
written down
for me to read?

I don’t want to relive those years!
They feel so dark
and hopeless

I turn the pages
I read the transitions
transformations
and trials
that all lead to the
beautiful people in my life
now

The next page is empty
and the next page
and the next one

Why?

This is my story
the future pages are empty
I get to write
what comes next

Do I change the story
or continue
on the same page?

Change must come

I want to be proud
to read
the book of my life

I want to see more
strength and determination

I want to love myself!
I want to matter to me!

I want this to be a book
of light
love
hope
dreams
and
peace in the moments

This is my life
This is my story
This is my responsibility
My honor
and my gift

What comes next is up to me

What’s written in your book?
The future pages are empty

This is your life
This is your story
This is your responsibility
and your gift