She waits
Staring at
what could be
She waits for
a sound
a smell
a feeling
She’s hopeful
She’s never
discouraged
She knows
one day
what she’s seeking
will come
So
she waits….
Amberley Charlotte ©2023
Photo Cred: Willgard Krause
Category: Women
20 Years Cancer Free
Twenty years ago today, I had my last chemotherapy session for a highly aggressive form of Triple Negative Breast Cancer, and they told me I was cancer free!
Because it was so aggressive and rare, there was no standard treatment plan. They said that had I waited to go to the Dr., I would have been dead in 6 months.
We decided on an aggressive surgical plan, and my oncologist gave me the chemo cocktail he hoped would help, and we waited.
I lived with the threat that it could come back at any time in the brain, liver, bones, or lungs.
There were always markers I needed to hit.
First, it was five years, then it was ten, and at ten years, they moved it again, saying this cancer is still rare, people are still dying, they still have no idea how I got it, and although they’re learning about it, now I needed to get to 20 years to really be free.
Along the way, there have been more tumors and multiple surgeries, all with a cancer scare, all coming back clear.
Anytime I tell a doctor I’ve beat this type of cancer, they look at me like I’m a ghost. When they gave me Covid vaccines, the nurses cried. They couldn’t believe I was still alive.
My blessed life is not lost on me. I am forever grateful for every struggle, every pain, and every gift of another day.
I still can’t believe I have this beautiful family. I’ve had so many wild and crazy experiences, extreme lows, and unbelievable highs, but here I am!
I made it to 20 freaking years, baby!!
So today, this is my gift to you.
Share your joy every day!
Focus on the light in your life, not the darkness.
There will be struggles, but right behind them are blessings.
Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens.
If you’re scared, cry it out.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out.
If you’re lost, write it out.
If panic sets in, wait it out. It will pass.
You will feel like shit in the process, but I guarantee you it will pass, and then reach out.
Find somebody to talk to.
Find somebody who will listen.
Find somebody you trust.
You don’t have to do this life alone.
We have no idea how long we’re here, but we can be a light in someone’s darkness, create a beautiful life for ourselves, stretch ourselves beyond our wildest capabilities, become who we never thought we could be, and experience life in ways we never thought possible.
At the end of the day, life is what we make it.
Our experiences make us who we are.
Our courage and strength help us survive it.
Life is hard.
But we are stronger.
Thank you, Divine Spirit, for giving me this time with my family.
I am asking for at least 35 more!
I promise I will make good use of the time and the lessons!
Blessings,
Amberley Charlotte
TRUST
Trust
Seeing into your heart
Seeing into your soul
A wink from the universe
Warmth
Sun
A painted silhouette
Actions not words
A touch
that sends tingles
not fear
A sunset
The earth’s movement
Honesty
I can see it in your eyes
Don’t be afraid
it is you who
painted that picture
I’m just seeing
what you’re afraid
to show me
Connecting
Soul to soul
Heart to heart
Tear to tear
Can I trust you?
Can I trust myself?
Loving without embarrassment
Loving without fear
Loving without condemnation
Loving without question
Then loving enough
to let go
In weathering the storms
we trust
In seeking answers
we trust
In questioning life
we trust
We trust our hearts
We trust our abilities
We trust the universe
We trust ourselves
We trust our souls connection
The light
within us all
We trust
We love
We shine
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Bessi
What pulls you in
A post from my other blog: The Chocolate Poet: https://thechocolatepoet.com/
This poem inspired by Mast Chocolate: Oat Milk 50% Cocoa
Aroma and tasting notes: Sweet, Dark Sugar, Cocoa, Rustic, Cream, Raspberries, Raisins, Oats, Creamy
What pulls you in
Walking down a country Lane
soul-searching
My path not
yet understood
Where am I going?
Then she whispers
Wait, enjoy the walk
But be content
Be ready
Take it all in
There is a time for everything
Stop waiting for success
joy
love
What pulls you in
is who you are
not
where you’re going
Be content
There will be
a destination
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
https://www.mastmarket.com/
This is love This is you
Pay by page
Word after word
Peeling back the layers
of who you thought
you were
Looking in the mirror
The years have been tough
Extra pounds
Age spots
Stories behind
your eyes
speak volumes
and secrets kept
hidden to protect
your mental health
And yet
in that moment
you choose
to love yourself
through it
Memory fades
Energy has slowed
This is you
The newer version
Streaks of grey hair
become natures highlights
Wrinkles are proof
of a life
courageously lived
And while looking in the mirror
you go from seeing
someone you don’t know
to someone you’d like to know
to someone you quite like
to someone you love
Because
you chose
to love yourself
through it
Suddenly you view
the signs of aging as
Growth
Resilience
Courage and
Strength
Who you were
doesn’t matter as much
as who you’ve become
and where you’re going
And when you get there
as weird as it feels
there is comfort
peace
and love
you never thought
you could experience
But you did it
You survived
the self-doubt
feelings of
not being good enough
pretty enough
or skinny enough
You survived the
brutal abuse
spoken from
your own tongue
the self-degradation
and painful thoughts
of comparison
because you were
and could never
be
enough
Now this is
a different time
Life feels different
You are different
Loneliness has
become solitude
Quite time has
become necessary
Self-care
finally has meaning
And you wonder
what is this?
Have I finally accepted myself?
Do I genuinely love myself
for who I am
who I was
and where I’m going?
This is love
This is acceptance
This is you
This is who you
have been waiting for!
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: https://pixabay.com/users/pixel2013-2364555/
I See You
Crystal vases
Shadows
Walls
Doors
Sunlight
shining through
the window
I see you
hiding
behind the door
Nature
Animals
Secret friends
Committed
Lifelong
No questions
Just love
Best friends
Soul mates
I see you
wanting
to give love
wanting
to be loved
It’s time to forgive
It wasn’t
your fault
She loves you
You'll be
together again
I see you
crying
mourning
carrying the pain
It’s time to forgive
yourself
She has
Imagination running wild
or
gifted
Spoiled brat
or
a child
seeking the truth
I see you
wanting
to be understood
Life
offers a small glimpse
into
the capabilities
of our souls
Curious or brat?
I see you
trying to be
who you were
created to be
Grateful
Blessed
Honored
Peaceful
Energetic
Happy
I see you
letting go
opening
your heart
setting yourself free
I see you
wanting to be seen
for all of you
not just the parts
that are easy to understand
And yet finally
content
if that never happens
I see you
It's ok
If no one else can
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: William Duggan
Forgiveness who needs it?
Forgiveness has been
heavy on my heart lately
It’s in my thoughts
my dreams
and every breath
I take
I feel like I’m digging a ditch
but I’m not sure
if I should throw myself in
or bury my
anger
regret
and rage
then cover it up
so I can’t go back
to retrieve it
I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions
Will I ever find peace
if I can’t let go
of the past?
What does this do to my body?
How long can my heart
withstand the pain?
Is it true that if
we can’t forgive another person
we can’t forgive ourselves?
Am I trying to rectify the situation?
Am I trying to understand it?
Is it teaching me anything?
Who am I hurting by holding onto all of this?
Unless I’m sending out
personalized lightning bolts
and actually hitting my target
I’m the only one suffering
as those who have hurt me
have moved on
Am I not just reliving
every moment
every trauma
and every fear
every day of my life?
Because I’m constantly
playing the same movie
in my head
over
and over again
thinking about
what that person did
and who I am
because of it
I’ll tell you who I am
I am resourceful
I am courageous
I am fierce
I am determined
I am strong
I have learned
the lesson
and the gift
of empathy
and I have
survived
That is what those horrible experiences did to me
They made me who I am
They gave me a reason to fight
But I am holding onto
one more wound
one more nightmare
and playing a movie
with subtitles
that will
never end
As my body tightens
Anxiety
Panic
Illness
and depression
become part of my being
and I live a half-life
Precious moments
stolen
Precious memories
missed
Do they deserve forgiveness?
I do!
I deserve forgiveness
I deserve to let it go
I deserve happiness
joy and to heal my body
I deserve to silence the voices
and cancel the nightmare sitcoms
that play in my head
I deserve
to write my own ending
to this movie
If the goal is to ultimately love ourselves
then why am I punishing myself?
I have the power
I have control
This is my life
When am I going
to let that shit go?
Their time is over
My time is now
Yet I am literally
hosting them
as guests
in my home
feeding them
giving them the right
to live within my head
as I slowly
rot away
because for whatever reason
I can’t evict them
I am exhausted
I’ve suffered enough
I don’t have the energy
to focus on any of this anymore
This is helping me
in no way at all
It is holding me back
from being happy
whole and peaceful
Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves
and by holding back forgiveness
we are withholding love
and a chance
at a full life
I am not going to live my life like this anymore
I might not have valued myself in the past
but I do now
I deserve more than to live
in this self-imposed hell
I am ready to forgive others
But first
I will start by
forgiving myself
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Daniele Franchi
Have you ever?
Have you ever told yourself
I love you?
Have you ever hugged yourself?
Have you ever looked at a photo
of yourself
as a child
and wondered
where the innocence went?
When you look at that child
did they get everything
they wanted in life?
If not
why?
When did you start believing
that dreams are for children
and grown-ups
don’t get to
have fun anymore?
When did work
become more important
than play?
Have you ever
looked at yourself
in the mirror
and didn’t recognize
who was looking back?
When did you start putting yourself last?
If we don’t know self-love
How can we know true love?
When did you stop
following your heart
and your truth
and start following
someone else’s plan?
When we are true to ourselves
we feel it at the core of our soul
When we are true to ourselves
we are set free
When we are true to ourselves
everyone can see it
because we’re happy
content
at peace
Are you at peace?
Do you love yourself?
I mean
scream it from
the beach top restaurant
kind of love?
Can you honestly say
that you would do everything
and anything for yourself
like you would for
your children
your partner
your family?
At what point
do we finally
believe
we are enough?
At what point
do we finally
forgive ourselves?
At what point
do we take stock
of the box
we have placed
ourselves in
and make a plan
to break out?
At what point do we recognize
that we are meant for more
and it all starts
with us?
When are we going to love ourselves
so unconditionally
that our hearts are full?
When I think of my family
my heart swells
Does your heart swell
when you think about yourself
because mine does not
I push myself aside
Not only does my heart not swell
but I am content pushing myself aside
I’ve gotten so used to it
that it’s taken me this long
to recognize
I’m doing it
and that sucks
because if we’re not willing to take care
of our body, mind, and soul
then who’s going to?
Right now
Right here
This is when I reevaluate everything
and recognize
that I am worth more than
what I’ve been giving myself
and now is the time to change
No matter what we go through
No matter how hard it is
No matter the pain
Our loved ones
can love us
pray for us
support us
and comfort us
but they cannot
do it for us
They cannot take
the pain away
They cannot take
the struggle away
They can only love
us through it
We have an opportunity
to love ourselves
as much
as we love
those around us
And by doing that
we will be astounded
at how free
and peaceful
life will be
because we are living
our truth
and finally
coming home
to ourselves
I am always seeking
and looking for answers
from within
because at the end of the day
all I truly have is me
I’ve got to live with myself
and I really want
to fully fucking love myself
so much!
So wish me luck on this journey
I’m excited
terrified
and extremely hopeful!
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Chela B
The Story of My Life
I’m at the library
I see a book
It’s my book
The story of my life
I take it off the shelf
It’s bound in Purple leather
with a heart in the middle
and a brass lock
Its title: “Amberley Charlotte”
I open to the prologue
it frightens me
I turn to the chapters page
Ages 0 – 3
4 – 7
8 – 12
13 – 19
20 – 30
30 – present
My heart sinks
This is my story
written down
for me to read?
I don’t want to relive those years!
They feel so dark
and hopeless
I turn the pages
I read the transitions
transformations
and trials
that all lead to the
beautiful people in my life
now
The next page is empty
and the next page
and the next one
Why?
This is my story
the future pages are empty
I get to write
what comes next
Do I change the story
or continue
on the same page?
Change must come
I want to be proud
to read
the book of my life
I want to see more
strength and determination
I want to love myself!
I want to matter to me!
I want this to be a book
of light
love
hope
dreams
and
peace in the moments
This is my life
This is my story
This is my responsibility
My honor
and my gift
What comes next is up to me
What’s written in your book?
The future pages are empty
This is your life
This is your story
This is your responsibility
and your gift
What comes next is up to you
Amberley Charlotte © 2022
Photo: Jill Wellington
She is Woman!
Spellbinding
Commanding
Constant movement
Blurred lies
Rolling thunder
Threatening storm
A tornado touches down
Although defiant
corruption won’t win
darkness won’t last
The ocean cries
A call to action
The courage to soar
She rages
She roars
With the strength of 1000 angels
Lightning strikes
The waves rise up
The universe wails
It’s time
to protect
the children!
She is resilient
She is powerful
She is brave
Out of the darkness
a rainbow will come
She is
the warrior in the battle
She is
the calm in the storm
She is Woman!
Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Painting by Lisa Adams: https://synesthesiaartist.com/
Amberley Charlotte Writes 