20 Years Cancer Free

Twenty years ago today, I had my last chemotherapy session for a highly aggressive form of Triple Negative Breast Cancer, and they told me I was cancer free!

Because it was so aggressive and rare, there was no standard treatment plan. They said that had I waited to go to the Dr., I would have been dead in 6 months.

We decided on an aggressive surgical plan, and my oncologist gave me the chemo cocktail he hoped would help, and we waited.

I lived with the threat that it could come back at any time in the brain, liver, bones, or lungs.

There were always markers I needed to hit.
First, it was five years, then it was ten, and at ten years, they moved it again, saying this cancer is still rare, people are still dying, they still have no idea how I got it, and although they’re learning about it, now I needed to get to 20 years to really be free.

Along the way, there have been more tumors and multiple surgeries, all with a cancer scare, all coming back clear.

Anytime I tell a doctor I’ve beat this type of cancer, they look at me like I’m a ghost. When they gave me Covid vaccines, the nurses cried. They couldn’t believe I was still alive.

My blessed life is not lost on me. I am forever grateful for every struggle, every pain, and every gift of another day.

I still can’t believe I have this beautiful family. I’ve had so many wild and crazy experiences, extreme lows, and unbelievable highs, but here I am!

I made it to 20 freaking years, baby!!

So today, this is my gift to you.

Share your joy every day!

Focus on the light in your life, not the darkness.
There will be struggles, but right behind them are blessings.
Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

If you’re scared, cry it out.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out.
If you’re lost, write it out.
If panic sets in, wait it out. It will pass.
You will feel like shit in the process, but I guarantee you it will pass, and then reach out.

Find somebody to talk to.
Find somebody who will listen.
Find somebody you trust.
You don’t have to do this life alone.

We have no idea how long we’re here, but we can be a light in someone’s darkness, create a beautiful life for ourselves, stretch ourselves beyond our wildest capabilities, become who we never thought we could be, and experience life in ways we never thought possible.

At the end of the day, life is what we make it.
Our experiences make us who we are.
Our courage and strength help us survive it.

Life is hard.
But we are stronger.

Thank you, Divine Spirit, for giving me this time with my family.
I am asking for at least 35 more!

I promise I will make good use of the time and the lessons!

Blessings,

Amberley Charlotte

I Can Feel You Breathe

I can feel you breathe

Shivers up my spine
I gasp
then
sigh

It’s you

Your strength
when the wind
blows

Your power
when the rain
falls

Your roots
dig deep
into my soul

Grounding me
Comforting me
Empowering me

Energy rushing
through my veins

I’m beginning
to feel
alive
again

Life-giver
Oxygen supplier

Natures
shelter
protection
heart
and soul

Inhale
exhale
and again

I can feel you breathe


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Stefan Keller Pics

A Journey

Hearts fluttering
Body tingling

Sunshine
warms
my soul

Heart-stopping

Out of body
looking through a
window

I’m chasing
you

I’ll find
you

I want
to be
here
forever

Heartwarming
Tingling legs

White light
carrys me home

Learn who you are
my child

See what we see

Open-hearted
Magical
Mystical
You

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Stefan Widua

Seeking Me!

Wounded
Seeking peace
Seeking harmony
Seeking self

Lost
Wandering the caverns
of my heart
Seeking light
Seeking comfort

Seeking
Seeking
Seeking

A journey to my soul
Seeking courage
Seeking Hope
Seeking freedom

From all that weighs me down
From all the doubt
From all the fear
From all the uncertainty

Seeking honesty
Seeking truth
Seeking Me!

Amberley Charlotte @2022
Photo: Daniele Franchi

A Conversation with an Angel

We meet again
I’ve missed you

I’m sorry
I shut you out

You were there
when no one else was

I slammed the door
but you never left

You were always
watching over me

I was a child
I was scared

I grew up
closed my mind
and put my heart
under lock and key

I tried to protect myself
from the world around me
and locked you out

I never stopped loving you
I carried you
in my heart
every day

When I lost you
I became
a fragmented shell
of a person
drowning
in a sea of emptiness
wondering
if I’d ever find
my way back
to dry land

I tried to fill the holes
but the boat
kept taking on water
and pushing me  
farther and farther
out to sea

But you know this
you watched it happen

It had to happen

It’s the only way
I’d realize
I needed to
save myself

I was scared
of drowning

I was even more scared
of not living

The body will float
even if the soul dies

I was dead inside

My focus needed to shift
I needed to start
swimming

Only then would
I see the shore

Only then would
I place my feet
on solid ground

Only then could I
start the journey
home

Change is hard
Treading water is harder

It’s funny

We go through life
doing just enough
to survive

Then we realize
our soul is thirsty
starving in fact
and we want
more

But we’re too afraid
to feed it
to give it  
everything it needs
because that requires us
to change
and change is terrifying

We decide
inadvertently
to live a life
of regret

I remember what it felt like
knowing I might
die with regrets
and it was the
worst
feeling
ever

Thank you
for not giving up on me

Thank you
for waiting for me

I know this is
going to take time

But I will feed my soul
I will live my life’s purpose
I will learn life’s lessons
and when I leave this earth
I will leave without regrets
because the work
even though
it’s painful
is worth it

Thank you for loving me

Now it’s time
I do the same



Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Amberley Charlotte

TRUST

Trust

Seeing into your heart
Seeing into your soul

A wink from the universe

Warmth
Sun

A painted silhouette

Actions not words

A touch
that sends tingles
not fear

A sunset
The earth’s movement

Honesty

I can see it in your eyes
Don’t be afraid
it is you who
painted that picture

I’m just seeing
what you’re afraid
to show me

Connecting
Soul to soul
Heart to heart
Tear to tear

Can I trust you?
Can I trust myself?

Loving without embarrassment
Loving without fear
Loving without condemnation
Loving without question

Then loving enough
to let go

In weathering the storms
we trust

In seeking answers
we trust

In questioning life
we trust

We trust our hearts
We trust our abilities
We trust the universe
We trust ourselves

We trust our souls connection
The light
within us all

We trust
We love

We shine


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Bessi

What pulls you in

A post from my other blog: The Chocolate Poet: https://thechocolatepoet.com/

This poem inspired by Mast Chocolate: Oat Milk 50% Cocoa

Aroma and tasting notes: Sweet, Dark Sugar, Cocoa, Rustic, Cream, Raspberries, Raisins, Oats, Creamy

What pulls you in

Walking down a country Lane
soul-searching

My path not
yet understood

Where am I going?

Then she whispers
Wait, enjoy the walk

But be content
Be ready
Take it all in
There is a time for everything

Stop waiting for success
joy
love

What pulls you in
is who you are
not
where you’re going

Be content
There will be
a destination

Amberley Charlotte ©2022
https://www.mastmarket.com/

This is love This is you

Pay by page
Word after word
Peeling back the layers
of who you thought
you were

Looking in the mirror
The years have been tough
Extra pounds
Age spots

Stories behind
your eyes
speak volumes
and secrets kept
hidden to protect
your mental health

And yet
in that moment
you choose
to love yourself
through it

Memory fades
Energy has slowed

This is you
The newer version

Streaks of grey hair
become natures highlights

Wrinkles are proof
of a life
courageously lived

And while looking in the mirror
you go from seeing
someone you don’t know
to someone you’d like to know
to someone you quite like
to someone you love

Because
you chose
to love yourself
through it

Suddenly you view
the signs of aging as
Growth
Resilience
Courage and
Strength

Who you were
doesn’t matter as much
as who you’ve become
and where you’re going

And when you get there
as weird as it feels
there is comfort
peace
and love
you never thought
you could experience

But you did it

You survived
the self-doubt
feelings of
not being good enough
pretty enough
or skinny enough

You survived the
brutal abuse
spoken from
your own tongue
the self-degradation
and painful thoughts
of comparison
because you were
and could never
be
enough

Now this is
a different time
Life feels different
You are different

Loneliness has
become solitude

Quite time has
become necessary

Self-care
finally has meaning

And you wonder
what is this?

Have I finally accepted myself?
Do I genuinely love myself
for who I am
who I was
and where I’m going?

This is love
This is acceptance
This is you

This is who you
have been waiting for!


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: https://pixabay.com/users/pixel2013-2364555/

I See You

Crystal vases
            Shadows
                 Walls
                     Doors

Sunlight
       shining through
                     the window

I see you 
        hiding
behind the door

Nature
     Animals
           Secret friends

Committed
        Lifelong

No questions
Just love

Best friends
           Soul mates

I see you
        wanting 
              to give love
wanting 
      to be loved

It’s time to forgive
It wasn’t 
your fault

She loves you
            You'll be
                    together again

I see you
        crying
             mourning
                    carrying the pain

It’s time to forgive
                   yourself
She has

Imagination running wild
                       or 
                        gifted

Spoiled brat
           or
            a child 
                  seeking the truth

I see you
wanting 
      to be understood

Life 
   offers a small glimpse 
                        into 
the capabilities 
               of our souls

Curious or brat?

I see you
        trying to be 
                   who you were 
                              created to be

Grateful
Blessed
Honored

       Peaceful
             Energetic
                     Happy

I see you
        letting go
opening 
      your heart
               setting yourself free

I see you
wanting to be seen 
   for all of you
             not just the parts 
that are easy to understand

And yet finally 
              content 
if that never happens

I see you
It's ok 
      If no one else can


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: William Duggan




The Trees Cry Out

We’re thirsty

Thirsty for
love
care
and rain

As the rain falls
the trees cry out

Thank you, they say

We’re thirsty
Our ground is dry
Our souls are depleted
Our hearts are weary
We are yearning
for sustenance

We are in need of care
Care only the universe
can provide

We tower over
We give shade
We are a refuge

We’re a home
for the birds
and the tiny creatures
of this world

The rain is falling
the birds are singing

It’s a chorus of joy
in the universe
as prayers
have been answered

Drink it
Soak it in
The grass has died
The trees wilt

Food sources
are dying off

The little animals
struggle for food

The heat kills the worms
the baby birds need food

Thank you, divine spirit
for this rain
for the
food for our souls
and for the
gift of life

Thank you for pouring
your heavenly nectar
on our soil
so we can
begin to heal

Rainwater
hydration
healing

Liquid light
falling from
the sky

The birds
fly into the trees
they’re coming home

The little ones need our help
We’re meant to shelter them
care for them
give them a place to grow

The tiniest of creatures rely on us
we can’t let them down

Rain down on us
let us help
our little ones

Divine Spirit
we are here
waiting

We have a purpose
Let us fulfill our promise
to the land
and the little souls that need us

And now the rain
pours down on us
again

Thank you
for hearing our cries

We are grateful

Keep it coming
too many have died already
they need us
the humans
need us
and we need you


Amberley Charlotte ©2022
Photo: Amberley Charlotte ©2022