A Conversation with an Angel

We meet again
I’ve missed you

I’m sorry
I shut you out

You were there
when no one else was

I slammed the door
but you never left

You were always
watching over me

I was a child
I was scared

I grew up
closed my mind
and put my heart
under lock and key

I tried to protect myself
from the world around me
and locked you out

I never stopped loving you
I carried you
in my heart
every day

When I lost you
I became
a fragmented shell
of a person
drowning
in a sea of emptiness
wondering
if I’d ever find
my way back
to dry land

I tried to fill the holes
but the boat
kept taking on water
and pushing me  
farther and farther
out to sea

But you know this
you watched it happen

It had to happen

It’s the only way
I’d realize
I needed to
save myself

I was scared
of drowning

I was even more scared
of not living

The body will float
even if the soul dies

I was dead inside

My focus needed to shift
I needed to start
swimming

Only then would
I see the shore

Only then would
I place my feet
on solid ground

Only then could I
start the journey
home

Change is hard
Treading water is harder

It’s funny

We go through life
doing just enough
to survive

Then we realize
our soul is thirsty
starving in fact
and we want
more

But we’re too afraid
to feed it
to give it  
everything it needs
because that requires us
to change
and change is terrifying

We decide
inadvertently
to live a life
of regret

I remember what it felt like
knowing I might
die with regrets
and it was the
worst
feeling
ever

Thank you
for not giving up on me

Thank you
for waiting for me

I know this is
going to take time

But I will feed my soul
I will live my life’s purpose
I will learn life’s lessons
and when I leave this earth
I will leave without regrets
because the work
even though
it’s painful
is worth it

Thank you for loving me

Now it’s time
I do the same



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